This blog's content might be triggering for some people, as it is related to eating and/or personality disorders. If you think this might be a wrong place for you, please, use your better judgment and leave.

If you decide to stay, welcome, you are greatly appreciated.

The Soul

I am just another girl.

Madly in love with books, coffee, classical music and the solitude, I make my ways through this world to the best of my abilities.


October 29, 2009 - the day I started this blog. I'm writing this in retrospect. It's June 12, 2014 today. 

I was a very sick girl back then, or maybe I just thought I was. Having an eating disorder really wrecks you and I'm not quite sure what was real back then and what was just my imagination going wild. I think part of me really liked being sick, because I felt like I was finally good at something, even though that something was really bad for me. When I got worse, I secretly congratulated myself on yet another 'success.' I realize how twisted that sounds and believe me, it really was. 

I started blogging primarily to become a part of a community that would understand me, a community of people that were dealing with the same shít like me. I thought I would find support and I truly did, in a very twisted way. I don't know whether blogging helped me or made things worse. You wouldn't believe how many pro-ED sites there were 5 years ago. Or maybe they are still there, but I choose not to look at them anymore, because they are triggering even after all this time. I only visit some of them from time to time, because they are written by girls that I've 'known' for many years and their words and the fact they're still alive are really comforting.

Over the years, my posts became less and less about what I ate and more about what was going on inside my head. At first, this blog was a silent cry for help, I think. But over time I got less interested in sharing this part of me with everyone and this has become a place for me to vent, to deal with my emotions, to put everything on paper as if it could make everything better.

I really love blogging and I was considering creating another place, a happier blog, but I've decided against it. After all, this is all a part of my past, this blog has been my shelter, my coping mechanism for so many years. 
However, I've decided to archive most of the posts from the past so they can no longer be seen on my blog. I'm only leaving the ones that are not about EDs or the ones that really mean something to me.

And from now on, I wish to write about much happier things, because I'm a happier girl than I used to be.
I am ready to finally let this thing go, even though I'm not sure I can.