Seven months have passed and I still seem to be unable to get over him completely. Sometimes everything feels almost normal, but sometimes I'm barely hanging in there. I'm not all that surprised, because he was the first person I truly loved, even though I've never actually told him so. That kind of love doesn't just go away, nor do I want it to. I just wish my love for him could transform, so I could love him this much as a friend without constantly forcing myself to smile around him and pretending I am okay.
And maybe it's not about still being in love with him. Maybe I'm just scared that I will never find anyone like him again, anyone who's gonna be so kind to me. To me, he was perfect. And maybe that's why I am so heartbroken. Because I think no one will ever be like him. Compared to him, how is anyone ever going to be good enough?
And in spite of all these feelings, I wish him all the happiness in the world. I wish he could love himself just the way he is. I wish he could fully accept himself and embrace it although it sure isn't easy. Am I crazy for wishing that?