I didn't think I was ever going to come back to this blog. I wanted to start all over, to get rid of the unhappy old me, to leave everything behind and start a whole new chapter of life. But then I realized that my past is way too important. It has made me who I am and no matter how sad it was at times, I don't ever want to forget it.
Life has been pretty nice to me in the past few months. Even though there were times when I would be down, overall it was a happy time for me. I still struggle with my eating habits, but I think that is going to be the case for the rest of my life. I smile a lot lately and try to be positive. Also, I'm not suicidal. Sometimes when I'm really sad or really angry, I go punch a wall several times. Enough to hurt, not enough to bleed. It works like magic for me.
At the end of the year I remembered some of the moments when I was just barely hanging there. Moments when I was just a corpse without a soul, wandering, looking for about anything to give me the strength to make it through another day. Those were times when I was faking a smile day by day, while inside I felt nothing. I was completely numb. I remember often thinking about ending it all, leaving this world. It was even worse to feel nothing than to be sad. I would try to think of the best way to kill myself, weighing pros and cons of any method I could think of. But I don't think I was strong enough to actually end my life. Or maybe, if I look at it differently, I was very strong not to. And so I made it to the year 2013.
It'd better be really good. I think we all deserve our shot at happiness.