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This blog's content might be triggering for some people, as it is related to eating and/or personality disorders. If you think this might be a wrong place for you, please, use your better judgment and leave.

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January 11, 2013

The bitch is back

It feels like I haven't blogged forever. And the reality isn't very far from that. For those of you who are still here, thank you for your patience.

I didn't think I was ever going to come back to this blog. I wanted to start all over, to get rid of the unhappy old me, to leave everything behind and start a whole new chapter of life. But then I realized that my past is way too important. It has made me who I am and no matter how sad it was at times, I don't ever want to forget it.

Life has been pretty nice to me in the past few months. Even though there were times when I would be down, overall it was a happy time for me. I still struggle with my eating habits, but I think that is going to be the case for the rest of my life. I smile a lot lately and try to be positive. Also, I'm not suicidal. Sometimes when I'm really sad or really angry, I go punch a wall several times. Enough to hurt, not enough to bleed. It works like magic for me.

At the end of the year I remembered some of the moments when I was just barely hanging there. Moments when I was just a corpse without a soul, wandering, looking for about anything to give me the strength to make it through another day. Those were times when I was faking a smile day by day, while inside I felt nothing. I was completely numb. I remember often thinking about ending it all, leaving this world. It was even worse to feel nothing than to be sad. I would try to think of the best way to kill myself, weighing pros and cons of any method I could think of. But I don't think I was strong enough to actually end my life. Or maybe, if I look at it differently, I was very strong not to. And so I made it to the year 2013.

It'd better be really good. I think we all deserve our shot at happiness.
Love


~Meg

9 comments:

  1. i hope it is good; you're right, we do all deserve a chance at happiness. it's good to see you post again! xo.

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  2. I'm still here my dear. And I am so happy to hear that you made it to 2013. I'm glad that you have been smiling more and not having to fake it day to day. We all may struggle with our eating habits, but like you said, we probably will for the rest of our lives. Stay strong dear.
    XOXO

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  3. Have a good year ahead. :)

    Best wishes from India! :)

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  4. im glad youre starting to be happier. you certianly deserve it. and now, we cant forget our past, it made us. but we can surpass it. to a wonderful 2013 to you, meg.

    stay lovely. <3

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  5. How wonderful :)

    I know it's late, but happy new year! I hope it's the best one for you yet.

    The past never really leaves us, but it doesn't have to be who we are now either. You're right, it's a part of what got you to where you are now. I have fingers and toes crossed that you're feeling stronger now.

    Take care, always xxx

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  6. Feeling good is the first step in being happy. I'm glad you feel better.

    ✗ℴ ♡

    +To Me It Matters+

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  7. That's a great way of looking at it, you were strong not to! Just wanted to take a second to tell u "Thanks" for following my blog!!

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  8. You have something important to say, I'm glad you're back!

    Xx
    /S / http:// mydarlingsolitude.blogspot.com

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~ You brigthen my day. Thank you for doing that. Stay lovely. ~