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July 11, 2010

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

People say I'm always happy and that I'm good at what I do. What they'll never realize is, I'm a damn good actress, too. That is the way I live my life. I smile on the outside and everyone thinks I'm doing fine, but I'm always dying inside, always one step away from the edge. I can't be happy to be who I am because I don't know who I am anymore.

I don't know what I want in life. I don't know what I want right now. All I know is that I'm hurting so much inside that it's eating me and one day there won't be any of me left.

Everything that ever caused me pain, I ran away and hid from it. But now, everything is finding its way back to me and I don't know what to do. I just know that the pain I felt so long ago is now hurting ten times more.


~ Meg

6 comments:

  1. Meg my dear I'm sorry. I can't promise you that it'll be ok or that you'll make it through. What I can promise is that we will always be there for you till there end. We will do whatever we can to keep you from falling over the edge, because we love you too. We are all actresses going through our days with fake smiles and false pretenses when all we really are are Ana's broken little dolls in lace corrsets. Be at least as we shrink and become more broken we can hold each others hands through the worst of our Ana days. Don't give up yet lovie life really is worth living in the end.<3 feel better

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  2. "People say I'm always happy and that I'm good at what I do. What they'll never realize is, I'm a damn good actress too."

    "I smile on the outside and everyone thinks I'm doing fine but I'm always dying inside,"

    My two favourite bits. I love this post. I can relate.
    I just WISH I was one of those people who did not eat when they were sad. But I am. I try fill the void with things I deprive myself of.
    Not a good way to cheer yourself up as the happens or shall i say numbness only last a bite full.

    x

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  3. I know exactly how you feel. I'm really sorry you feel this way, I wish I could take it all away from you. The last line especially, I hate it but I think I might have BED...every time I'm sad I eat a ton, and I'm sad an awful lot so that's just not a good combination at all. If you ever want to talk, I'm here to listen to you. I hope you feel better, you deserve to <3
    xoxo
    PS: Thanks a bunch for your comment last night, I appreciate it.

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  4. i hate when people say they know exactly how you feel. because no one can really know. but at least i can relate a bit. i hate acting...i hate pretending. my life is one big lie

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  5. I can relate to what you write.. I can relate to be sad without any particular reason.. I can relate to trying to escape from everything that causes pain and the fact that it eventually finds you..

    I hope you are a lot happier now.. Love you blog ♥

    Lots of hugs and good wishes
    Christina

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  6. i know how you feel, and i feel sorry for you as i can understand this because i am also in the same situation. i just don't kno whats wrong and what to do. can't define anything because It's hard to answer the question "what's wrong" when nothings right. dying inside.
    wish you a prosperous life.
    faizan

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~ You brigthen my day. Thank you for doing that. Stay lovely. ~