June 10, 2010
Some say having an ED is a lifestyle. Is it true?
Is it a lifestyle to have a war going on inside your head all day, every day? Those feelings of self-loathing and worthlessness, are they a choice you made? Do you feel how it affects your body and mind, and your family and friends, too? Do you intentionally hurt your beloved ones with your sickening behavior?
And if you decide not to hide anymore, you will not meet much understanding. Comments like "okay, you are having a bad time at the moment", "in other countries people are starving from lack of food" or "you just have to eat and everything is alright" really hurt. Nearly no one can imagine what you are going through; that you are living in a hell while pretending to be happy in this world.
You can never be fully recovered. You will always live with a devil inside your head telling you that eating is not okay. You will fake a smile, lie and slowly try to kill the one inside your head. Little by little, you will find out that the only way to get rid of her is to kill yourself, because the devil is you.
"I’ll keep quiet you won’t even know I’m here, won’t suspect a thing, you won’t see me in the mirror.”
Confessed by Meg at 10:40 AM