May 28, 2010
Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to die.
To fall asleep one day, when it's rainy and the sky is gray, when everything is so quiet and calm and everyone seems to be happy and content. You’d fake a smile just like any other day but on the inside you’d be crying. What would it be like to wait for the night, then take many pills, fall asleep and never wake up again?
Or maybe a slower death would be more satisfying. Don’t take the easy way out, starve yourself instead, how theatrical! Feel your heart beat to the rhythm of the raindrops falling to the ground; then feel it slow down. Realize this is all you wished for. Admit you are probably thin enough, because you're dying. Smile with ease, look forward to redemption. Greet beautiful and merciful death...
But death can also be really scary. What if suddenly you realized you didn't want to die? What if you realized that it wasn't death you were craving? Maybe it was oblivion. Maybe it was life in its purest form - real, peaceful, happy. But it would be too late. Your heart would stop beating and you, with tears in your eyes, would be gone forever.
Confessed by Meg at 10:10 PM