This blog's content might be triggering for some people, as it is related to eating and/or personality disorders. If you think this might be a wrong place for you, please, use your better judgment and leave.

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April 8, 2010

Life sucks, then you die

I feel like I'm trapped. Each of us is stuck being who we are. Sometimes we fight to change ourselves, but ultimately this has little effect. We can change what we do, but we cannot change who we really are.

I am not a happy person. Maybe you're not, either. Maybe you're too fat, maybe you're ugly and nobody wants you. Maybe everyone wants you, but nobody loves you and it's all meaningless. Maybe your body is fucked up and you're in pain all the time. Maybe your mind is fucked up and you're in pain all the time just as well.

So you struggle with all these problems year after year, and you're getting nowhere, and you wonder if anything will ever change. And the unavoidable reality of it all is that, for you, life sucks. But of course you're not going to give up so easily, you're going to keep struggling to solve your problems, to change yourself, to find happiness, wherever it is, whatever it is.

All of my life, I've been lied to. I've been told what life is supposed to be about. Grow up, do well in school, make friends, get a good job, get married, get a nice house and have kids. Get old, retire, spend time with the grandkids. Look back on life with smile on your face, look forward to the afterlife of your choosing.
This is what I'm supposed to do, this is what normal people do. This is what everyone else is doing. Or is it? When I actually look at the world around me, I see something entirely different.

Woman stopped sleeping with her husband several years ago, but that's alright, because he has sex with street prostitutes in the back seat of his car.
His favorite prostitute is always glad to see him, because there's no other way she could support her cocaine habit.
And the cop who tries to arrest her goes home every night and gets legally drunk.
And the cop's daughter, the pretty high school cheerleader, sneaks off and vomits after every meal so she won't get fat.

That is the real world, at least I think it is, and I don't like it at all.

~ Meg

1 comment:

  1. you have a unique style in the way you write. Its the harsh truth. I love the way you put it all together.
    x Evie x


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