This blog's content might be triggering for some people, as it is related to eating and/or personality disorders. If you think this might be a wrong place for you, please, use your better judgment and leave.

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April 17, 2010

Be careful what you wish for

"The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be."
~ Marcel Pagnol

I thought I was unhappy. Maybe you did as well. Maybe you still do. Sometimes we try to change our minds but often this has no effect at all.  We can change the way we look at things, but can we really change the root of our thinking? 

Why is it that we are unhappy? Don't we have everything we ever wanted? Isn't it just that we always want more than we have?

I have all I wanted. 'I want to be thin whatever it takes.' That's what I used to say. And my 'whatever it takes' meant losing friends; lying to everyone I know and love; loving my ED more than anyone else, more than me, even; suffering; being in pain; thinking of food 24/7; hating myself; having low (or no) self-confidence; low blood pressure; headaches; dry skin; hair loss; exhaustion; insomnia; fainting. 
But this is what I wanted, I dedicated my life to an eating disorder so I should be happy, content. I wanted to lose weight and I did. I didn't wish to be healthy, nor to have friends, nor to be loved. I didn't wish any of that. I only wished to lose weight and it happened, even though it can be never enough for me. 

So be careful what you wish for because it might come true. I wish I wished for something better than this miserable life.

~ Meg

1 comment:

  1. Stay strong sweetie try to stay in a positive mind set, thats all i can say to such a emotional post. I really love the quote at the start is so true, oxox


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